self-control and things I learned from a toddler.
I have realized that I inherited an addictive personality. In turn, that addictive personality has driven me, or has manifested itself in uncontrolled urges to eat, constantly, especially those things that, in excess, are dangerous to my health (chocolate, sweets, coffee, carbs). Therefore, losing weight for me is a spiritual battle rather than just plain dieting. I have not yet conquered it; I am still in the process. I still constantly fall off the wagon, just like any other addict.
However, I have learned a few things thus far. Some, from a toddler, of all people. And perhaps this is the beginning, and the foundation for beating that addiction. Here are the three things I have learned so far in my journey to self-control.
First, I am nothing, I have nothing, I can do nothing without God. In other words, on my own, with my own resources, I have nothing to bring to the table. And whatever I bring is contaminated. As Isaiah so eloquently put it, "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6). Everything I have or am, on my own, is like a filthy rag before God. I could have all the insight of the world, I could know all the diets, have the best husband or be the most successfully independent woman in the world, and still come short. Enter the toddler. I am like a toddler who covers herself in poop. On my own, I am that filthy. That filth keeps me from doing what I want to do and know needs to be done. Like the toddler, even as I try to clean myself up, I only manage to make the situation worse.
Second, God's grace in Jesus covers all my imperfections. Poop is dirty. It stinks. It contaminates everything around it and can cause disease. So, like a mother who wraps her little dirty toddler with a receiving blanket, so God wraps us up in the receiving blanket of His grace, Jesus. God throws grace upon us before He can take us up in His arms. All of our filth, all of our sins, all of our shortcomings, are now on that blanket of grace. Now, He can pick us up in His arms without coming in contact with the "poop".
Third, God cleanses me. Mom would take the baby straight to the bathtub, open the faucet, and bathe her until she is clean. She would put perfume on her (Royal Violets if she's Cuban), dress her up and comb her hair. Then she would hug her and tell her everything would be all right. In the same manner, God cleanses me. He opens up the faucet of the blood of Jesus, the faucet of the water of the Spirit, and bathes me and puts the perfume of the fruit of the Spirit--in my case, for the sake of this journey: self-control, though it could be anything for anyone else. He dresses me with brand new clean clothes and combs my hair. Then, the best part is, He hugs me. He cuddles me and tells me, "It's going to be all right; let's try this again".
But, what do we do with the receiving blanket? Some people throw it away. Others wash it and then maybe keep it as a memento because even though it's clean, the stains are still there. One way or another it gets discarded, never to be used again. Isaiah says also, in 53:3, that He (Jesus) was "despised and rejected". Jesus "received" unto Himself all that filth we brought to the table. He took all of my sins, all of my shortcomings, all my "falling off the wagons". The stains are there for me to remember. Every area of my life that was not up to par (ergo: self-control), He takes it and washes it to present me to His Father blameless.
I still have a long way to go. I know I will fall many times yet. But I will trust that His grace will get me there. His grace will pick me up and carry me to the other side.
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